chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
