I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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