He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize