This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am one with the molecules
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
