I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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