if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
