mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
