if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
