1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
