No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
