My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
