her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
