it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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