So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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