My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
