You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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