Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
