But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
