Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
