need another drink. this is the easiest way
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
