Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize