i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
