OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
