Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
