The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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