just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
