Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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