My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize