I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
