no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
