..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
