I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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