You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
