its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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