im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
