I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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