Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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