He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
