So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
