I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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