According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
