i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
