If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Operation Purity has been aborted
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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