think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
