Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
