After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
