So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im holly from the hills drunk
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
