you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
