I cannot find my penis.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
