East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
