I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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