we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize