'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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