If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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