I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
