I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
