So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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