My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
