Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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