theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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