what day is it and did you see me today?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
