Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
