i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
