I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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