his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
