My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
