I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
