But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
