She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
