Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
