if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
