i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
