I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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