So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
