we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
