dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
