Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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