Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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