he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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