You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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