remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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