Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
