The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize