So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
