when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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